The Story Spirals Back

I have been working on Audrey’s story for months.

I mentioned before that I thought it might be autofiction.

Nope. It slid all the way into mythical, mystical slipstream,
with brutal bits woven through.

The story was intended to be braided with myth and fear, hope and time,
memory lapses and loops, and soft humor and fairy tale fugues
to give Audrey time to heal enough to go on.

Months of work, thousands of words.

Then I started a 33 day, daily writing challenge on Medium 26 days ago.

The challenge isn’t about writing.
It’s about showing up and offering your art to the universe every day.
To prove to the universe you can meet her halfway.

My art just happens to be writing.

It could have been sculpting for example.  Thirty-three days of that
and the universe might have given me a David.

My art is writing which led sometimes to these awkward posts
about writing
and writing about writing
or occasionally writing about writing about writing.

Then a few days in, Me and Also Me™ showed up.

I thought that was the gift.

They are funny, illuminating, definitely fun.
I started posting a Reflections of Me and Also Me™ almost every day.

 But that wasn’t the gift.

 A few days ago, weeks maybe even, (I’ve lost track of time),
Duchess appeared.
Fully formed.
A witch, magical in layered,
gorgeous flamboyant ways.

She came with:
the back story,
the plot,
her character arc,
supporting cast, setting, tone—
her whole world already sparkling.

I don’t remember putting Audrey aside.
It just…happened.

I was deep in Duchess’s world one day when I lifted my head up and said, “Wait! What?”

Me: How did this happen?
Also Me: Right? I don’t…don’t even remember….

I’ve been ranting on paper,
muttering with Me and Also Me™
trying to figure this out.

Duchess is too delicious to put aside,
especially now I am so deep into her world.

But then how and why was I able to put Audrey down?

Joan Didion says “Why do I write.”
And answers herself “ To find out what I know.”

So thanks Joan Didion.
Here is what I discovered by writing
until the truth was pulled out of a spot deep in my soul

Audrey’s story is brutal.
It will be beautiful,
Braided with myth and hope and love and humor,
clothed in the shape of fairy tales —
fairy goddesses, talking cats,
and soft purring guardian angels. But…..

The universe’s gift to me in the writing challenge— Duchess.

Her story is a cozy fantasy.
She lives in a beautiful restorative Dream compound,
helping people with small problems, and big wishes.

It is layered and tender in its own way,
and the hardest backstories will stay off the page.

At first I thought the universe was telling me
I don’t have the writing chops to tell Audrey’s story.

But now I see Grace, my muse,
was showing me I need to strengthen
the soft bits, the mythical magical parts of the story
that will lift Audrey out of hell and into her own rebirth.

 Duchess isn’t easier to write.
(Although Grace has downloaded entire scenes,
gift wrapped surprises.)

But she will be more fun to write.
And when I return to Audrey,
my fantasy writing muscles
will be stronger—
strong enough to give her the love
and attention
she and her story deserve.

Me: 😢
Also Me (sniffing): So beautiful
Inner Naked Baby: 😭

Me: Oh my gawd, where did she come from?